Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
