he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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