i wish my penis had a tongue
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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