God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
