lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
