how can u be prego again
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
should my penis look like a turkey
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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