I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
