Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
