I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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