After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
