Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
