so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
