We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
