i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
