That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no, he came in my armpit
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
