Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
