it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
