I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
