I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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