I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
