why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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