Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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