I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
