How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
