Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
