Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
