All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
