My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
