i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
