I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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