thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
