You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
