So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
