EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
