so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
