ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
