omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can't special order awesome
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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