Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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