This is not my ceiling
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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