I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
