I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
