One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Pappa wants mamma naked
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
