It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
