I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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