I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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