she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
