Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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