I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
