Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
