dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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